The White Horse (Three Sonnets)
II glanced up high above the riverbedwhere on the bank of variegated greens,profuse with leaf and life of growing things,a rearing horse appeared, whose pure white headand quivering mane rose up....
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Hi, Kathleen. This note is just to let you know I really am reading these. They haven't been forgotten or ignored. Sorry for being slow. Chelle
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so kind of you to let me know! Thank you...I value your input whenever it comes.....
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Kathleen, After reflecting on this poem for a while, the first question I have is: “Are you sure the poem wants to be a sonnet sequence?” You’ve clearly put a lot of thought into the craftsmanship of...
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Hello Frostman......and thank you for your input. You make some excellent suggestions. To answer your question, I started with a sonnet form before I realized it would take two...then three, and by...
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I think it wants to be an Ode. I will refrain from tackling the sometimes bumpy meter until I see if you recast it in a different form. I like the metaphor of the White Horse as Inner Truth, Pure...
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Hi Leah,Thank you for your thoughtful feedback and input, and especially the detail on "veiled," including its pronunciation history which I was completely in the dark about! I'll be playing with...
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I like the structure of these three sonnets, linked together by the last line of the sonnets repeating as the first line of the succeeding sonnet. It would have been cool to have line 42 match line 1!...
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Hi there, mpmchic! Thank you for your input, and pointing out some of those meter issues. To answer your questions, the white horse doesn't appear outwardly again because it was not necessary. When he...
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Kathleen, As promised, I have studied the sequence more fully and have some more ideas. Before anything else, I want to address a metrical observation made by other critics. There is no metrical flaw...
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Hi there Frostman, Too critical, no! Much appreciated, yes! Your points are all right on, and as you indicated earlier, I think it's best in either blank verse or the heroic couplets you mentioned....
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Re: S2,L7..I can sure read it the way that frostman scanned it, but, when compared to the surrounding lines, I think it still sticks out and tempts us to scan it otherwise. I think in your...
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thanks, Leah. I value your input and will revisit that line on the fine-tuning and possible rewrite...Best to you....K
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Hello K You're asking a great deal of any critic to expend the time and effort required on one sonnet let alone three. And it's not a good idea to simply use the exit of one piece as the entry of the...
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Hi Jack, Yes, I knew posting three at once was a lot...it's a good thing people on the board can comment (or not) at will, and I feel fortunate that you and others took the time and effort. Thank you!...
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Hello K Tis odd you'd say that "Since I couldn't fit everything into one sonnet". In modern sonnets, ten or twelve lines may be used in a poem instead of 14? Mind you, they make for pretty wretched...
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Hello 737cat, I am both humbled and delighted that you think so...thank you.
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Yeah, I know this is supposed to be a workshop but... I have nothing to say critically for revision. It's perfect and I prefer the original. Whatever the little "flaws," they give it character. The...
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Wow, 737. Thank you for expressing your impressions, and that they are so positive! I'm both astonished and glad to know it had the desired effect. For me the incident was profound, but translating it...
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